Dr. Vernal's Diary

It wasn't the first time I had been groped in public, but it was however the first time I'd been raped....By a bicycle. I was walking down the street wondering if germany was an animal which one it would be. Then it hit me... from behind, pushed me to the ground and planted itself right on top of me. I quickly realized that I had either been in an accident or was being raped by an alien wearing rubber gloves. Unfortunately it was the first mentioned. I quickly got back on my feet and thought about which part of my body to grab first, in an attempt on appearing seriously injured (In order for me to cash in from the insurance company). But I was so thrown off by this Hitler like creature screaming at me in what appeared to be Gibberish, that I completely forgot about all my possible life altering injuries. WAS this really an alien attack? No, it was nothing but a german, with a funny accent. After about 30 seconds of him screaming in this barbaric language, I finally let him know that I didn't speak german and continued to walk, But that didn't stop him ''DU SCHEISSE! Are you totally crazy oder was? I have almozt kill you on ze bicycle, you must look in ze traffic'' He said looking at me like I had just appeared on the freeway during rush hour wearing a goat costume when the fact of the matter was that he was the one going 100 miles an hour on the sidewalk . ''Are you serious'' I said, ''you hit me from the back, and now you're telling me that I to be careful''. Hitler jr. had clearly lost his marbles somewhere, and I wasn't going to help him find them. So I carried on my quest to find a Starbucks when he jumped of his bike and came running towards me ''You have a problem'' It was pretty clear to me that at this point he was just looking to pick a fight. I thought about going through with it for a second, but then decided I was way to hungry to fight, and since I had an audition the following day it would probably be a good idea to show up without any split lips or black eyes, So I just exposed my middle finger with a distance of an inch from his face. He looked slightly confused, I guess he wasn't quite comfortable with this passive aggressive approach. Finally he cursed a bit more at me, clicked his heels twice and marched back to his bike. I kept my finger aimed at him the whole time, until he was completely out of sight. Typical german I thought, all you have to do is to show a bit of teeth, and they go running back to mommy like a little puppy. What I don't understand about this country is the underestimation of a good attitude. If you approach someone with a smile, they will most likely treat you like feces, but if you give them the german attitude from the very beginning, they will give you their best shot at a decent costumer service. If you ask me it's backwards. And that's when it hit me, If the germans were an animal they would be ants, and the whole country would be a giant anthill. You see, ants are very functional and practical but absolutely no fun. If a restaurant was to be run by a group of ants the place would theoretically run very well, but since ants aren't know to be the most soulful creatures to say the least the place would probably not be known for their outstanding service. If you get in the way of an ant and it's path it will take a few steps back and try again, this will repeat a few times until it realizes that you're too bigheaded to get out of it's way. It will then try to walk over you and if that doesn't work either ultimately it will give up and walk around you. If you get in the way of a german the exact same thing will happen. 

Definition:

an ant is a small insect, often with a sting, that usually lives in a complex social colony with one or more breeding queens. It is wingless except for fertile adults, which often form large mating swarms, and is proverbial for industriousness.

Definition:

a german is a small creature, often with a sting, that usually lives in a complex social colony with one or more breeding dictators. it is wingless except for fertile adults, which often form a large mating swarm (better known as swinger clubs) and is proverbial for industriousness. 

Do you see the similarities?